Tag: despair

Seep Bone Coldly

Run Through

No warrior’s death is coming for me
no blood stained sword to release
my foolish life from it’s hollow chest
as I slow die on this field of shame.
Stench of copper vile taste of metal
adrift I’m alone and battered and torn
oh that I could recompense my love!

No quiet wake of honor shall be held
no slow loving march of the damned
will sure carry me to eternal sleep
no I shall ever wail silently as I decay.
Terrible mists of doom rise eerily and
creep hauntingly through fading eyes
cast upon the distant shore of love lost.

No angels of mercy will soar this field
thick with the rancor of bitter defeat
they will not remove this elegiac song
shrouded by sick stench of stoic hope.
Oh that I could in great haste be felled
not seep bone coldly into Hades cruel
might his dread hot abyss of suffering.

No arrow swiftly flying will find its mark
no sword nor spear will ever pierce me.
Aye, this poison by which I die yet slow
looses the design of even black vultures.
I will wither and die in years as it reigns
cold perfect terror over me and claws at
where slow my life leaking seeps to hell.

Their Sorrow

delusion on justruminating mens blogLife is
but a show
for stars
the moon
and the sun.

Emotions are
for little kids
as they play
and run.

Love is
just a fairytale
from books
from poems
never to be won.

Living is
just a dream
from which
we never wake.

Feelings are
awful things
their pain
their sorrow
strong they ache.

Love is
but a fantasy
never a reality
never can partake.

Better Sit Down

a life extinguished on justruminating men's blogSo now you’re feeling sorry
for yourself? Your pain and
anguish gnawing at you?
Just because to start you
ended up the object of
another’s twisted fantasy
and there were four of you
but then Gloria asphyxiated
you have no claim to sorrow
you were one for God’s sake
and the playground
beat you down
and you drowned and drowned
and choked on loneliness
and fear and pain.

Just because belts flew
freely and love and affection
lived at someone else’s house
and entire summers were
dedicated to you being
locked away forgotten faded
from view and the sled that
your brother John was
killed on so what it was on
Christmas? Would you have
picked Easter for dying?
No one cares that you saw
that you were there
your mother held you so
tight and so lovelessly.

How many homes did
it take to teach you loss?
You didn’t expect Juvenile
Halls to echo with laughter
did you? How much weed helped
you breath? How did all
the weather feel while you
searched for another hallway
to rest your 18 years in?

Did you really think that the
bottle would be your friend
as you stumbled through college
dorms city streets bars and
nightclubs year after anguished year
searching for the bosom that
would set you free? So what love
eviscerated you at 21 nearly
killing you join the club you
were weak and pathetic. All that
poetry and nothing to show for
it. One abortion was too many
200 women too few.

How did it feel to end your
military career in shame?
At ease no one cares poor you
to lose a child to destroy a
marriage to lose your kids
to devolve into booze and drugs
and suicide attempts and ideations
the psych drugs should have
completed your mind fuck and
just because you’ve worked
at over 60 jobs doesn’t mean you
are smarter than anyone, everyone
book smart life dumb right?

Keep fighting, keep swinging
keep the bitterness at bay
just because he didn’t tell
you your mother died until
after she was cremated
doesn’t mean you have a
copyright to rage a claim
to pity. No, go tell it
on the mountain because
you are just like
everyone else get over it.

And then SHE came along
and then SHE made you pay for
all your sins didn’t she?
SHE came to break you to
strip the last remnant of
a delusional life from your
tortured mind the last
vestige of hope from your
bones chewed you up, spit you
out all those pills should
have completed the job she
watched you do it anyway
how you didn’t die
from that surely only Dante
knows go ahead and ask him.

So now what?  Gonna lie
down, curl up, go cry in
the corner about how your
life has passed you by how
lonely you still are 52
lame ass years later? What
are you going to do
now crybaby?  Take your shitty
life and screw.  I’m
done with you.

These Words

these words on justruminating men's blogThese words
tears from
my fingertips
stain
the page
drop
by
abject drop
they spill
and die.

Deep lacerations
never healing
they open
again and
again
these words
rip tear
they throb
corrupting
noxious
lethal.

Sad notions
within my
sorrowed mind
these words
are seeping
creeping
keeping me
entombed in
desolate anguish.

Forlorn emotions
bereft devotions
these words
chide me
deride me
reside in me
capitulation that
they are
irrelevant and
worthless and
superfluous.

Afflicted hopes
stain my soul
hues of
bright crimson
scarlet red
deep maroon
these words
paltry sums
of all
of my
worthless ideations.

Despair

despair on justruminating men's blog

D

esolation tears are streaming

E

viscerated thoughts are teaming

S

orrow sadness rules my dreaming

P

athos tragic to which I am bound

A

nguish deep I bleed on the ground

I

mmeasurable loss of love I found

R

egret and horror it is seeming.