My Ruminations: I’m Sorry

68 comments

justruminatingI owe you all an apology.  As much as I have always prided myself on being up front and honest about my life–almost to a fault–I haven’t shared with you the essence of my afflictions.

I feel like I owe you an apology because I have always been truthful with you, and I feel as though I have been living a lie by not exposing my darkest issues and behaviors.

So, I think in the coming weeks I am going to have to find the fortitude to lay it all on the line.  Some of the topics may well alienate some of you away from my blog.  fear on justruminating men's blogI have always prided myself on supposedly not giving a shit what people think.  Well, suddenly I am realizing that I must, because I am afraid to expose my ugliness to you.  Ultimately it is what I have to do.

Since I disagree with A.A.’s Step in which you are to make amends to those you have wronged as long as where to do so wouldn’t be harmful to them. I am going to make my amends to over 1,100 of you instead.  Besides, these folks don’t want to hear from me.  Some of them could care less whether I live or die.

I’ve been mulling this over all day.  I have come to the conclusion that I will not fully recover unless I disclose the exact nature of my wrongs.  To me, it’s just too safe and convenient to do it to one male human being in AA.  amends on justruminating men's blogThat seems to be a copout to me.  I’m willing to face my community with the truth you deserve.  I would be a hypocrite if I did not.

Some of my bleaker behaviors have to do with women.  Many of you, dear readers, are women.  So, if I am really going to be a truly transformed human being, then I will do it here.

I cannot control how you will react.  I cannot change who I was.  I had a lot of things going on in my life, no excuses though.  I will get into those with each post.  I do know for the first time in my life I am willing to be accountable for my behaviors.

Stay tuned…damn the torpedo’s!

accountable

68 comments on “My Ruminations: I’m Sorry”

  1. Here to be of support and loving compassion! I applaud you for making this decision. As others have said, it’s incredibly brave. We all have skeletons in the closet that most of us wouldn’t have the courage to display to our loved ones, let alone the world. I believe this will be a wonderful opportunity to heal and move forward, while also acting as an example to those who are struggling with their “demons” as well. Wishing you all the best!

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  2. Okay, I understand this as well. I too exposed the underbelly of my life and all I know is it has been a ride! From some really beautiful forgiveness and acceptance to flat out rejection. I wish I could say I am always happy I wrote the book I wrote, but truth be told I am not completely at ease with my decision. It definitely pointed to more faults and character defects in me..(That rabbit hole can be deep) I wish you well on your journey…

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  3. Hey Rob
    Great Idea. Admitting to your peeps here a portion of your perceived wrongs. Bravo my friend. I believe that what we have done to others has inflicted a wound on our conscience. In order to be of maximum benefit to ourselves, others and to our Higher power. That scar needs to be cut back opened and healed. That is imho the essence of step nine. Acknowledging and embracing our most horrific wretchedness allows us to be changed Peace be with you.

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  4. In my humble opinion, if it helps you then, helps you continue to be the great person you are trying to be then, your readers will appreciate it, understand it, and not judge you on past behaviors. I can’t speak for everyone only myself, but no one reading your blog is blemish free. Everyone has done things they wish they hadn’t. There’s not enough paper, ink, or storage to put it in, for all the things I wish I hadn’t done and would go back and change if I could. For every reader that is offended and will stop reading there are more that will appreciate, learn and grow from it and will read. God bless you brother.

    Liked by 2 people

                    1. And I don’t usually compliment blonde women, but for you I will make an exceptional exception! The way you write, you could be bald and still be lovely. Haha. Be well

                      Liked by 1 person

    1. Well, it’s certain to get interesting. I mean, I didn’t kill anyone or anything lol. I might be making my stuff more than it really is, but I’m not sure. Sunday is meeting day, nap day, laundry day, etc. I should be done here in a few

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  5. Brave move dude … at the end of the day, whether we like it or not though, this is you being accountable to you. You are who you have to live with.
    Kia Kaha (used to encourage strength or confidence). I hope you find peace for yourself 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Brave or stupid? Haha, just kidding. I’ve got to clear the rest of the attic. I can see the little bay window, but it’s blocked by a bunch of crap. I have plans for the attic, you know?

      Liked by 1 person

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