So late last light my friend calls me and tells me that the owners of the dealership, where my worldly belongs have been since May of last year, wanted my stuff out by this morning or they would throw it away!
So he met me this morning and I went over to the dealership and loaded all of my belongings in one car. I couldn’t fit a few nicely framed sports pictures, or my fishing pole, but the manager said he didn’t mind keeping them in his office.
So there I was, wheeling all my worldly possessions down the hallway on a lunch dolly. At first I felt like a loser, then I remembered where I was: we’re all homeless vets!
To be honest, I wasn’t sure what my reaction would be to this newly shrunk world of belongings. Keep in mind, when I went off to jail, I had furniture, a $5,000 bed, a 60″ TV.
In just the year before I had collectibles, thousands of baseball cards, golf clubs, watches. Except for the furniture, I sold everything at yard sales to keep me drinking and smoking. The ex sold everything (including her house) and moved to Florida.
What I have left is basically clothes, 20 or 30 baseball cards, some fishing gear, some books (a helluva nice shot glass collection–what the hell am I going to do with that?), a few odd trinkets, and tons of clothes. That’s it. Everything else? History. Considering I had nothing I jail, I consider myself wealthy.
I thought I would be upset. I thought I would be sad, I thought I would be pissed off. However, I wasn’t anything in particular. Actually, I was annoyed because now I have a shitload of laundry to do! But seriously, I was proud of the fact that I really didn’t care.
Besides, it’s just stuff. None of it got me sober. None of it will keep me sober. I have come to appreciate what I do have. When I first got a cell phone again, I was ecstatic! Alas! My mother’s ashes have gone missing, I am not happy at all about this. But I still have her in my heart.
I used to depend upon having lots of stuff to keep me happy. Now that I don’t have much stuff to speak of, I find that it never did make me happy. I make me happy. But I won’t lie, I am happy to have my winter boots, haha! Seriously though, I’m liking this Acceptance-Gratitude-Contentment Trio that has been operating in my head (mostly), for the last few months.