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wp-1485298089762.jpgWhat would happen if I really wanted to be honest in a search for a significant other, at this tumultuous time of my life?  I think it would be funny.  Here’s what I would put, no holds barred–just for fun.  Imagine if I really posted something like this?  I would love to be a fly on the wall of women reading this online, haha.

“52 year old (well, 53 in 11 days) recovering AQUARIAN (that’s important, right?) alcoholic, who loves Italian Food, seeks mildly insane (female) writer, adventurer, anarchist, sex goddess, Rob worshipper for whirlwind romance.”

Me:

  • In treatment program for alcohol until end of March–I can go anywhere in the country then!  (I do get nightly and weekend passes, so we can still date!)
  • Poverty Stricken–hell, I only need to pay for butts right now, we can spend the rest of the time reinventing life by not spending a damn cent, right?
  • Currently Homeless–does it matter if you have a place to live?
  • On Probation–but no ankle bracelet!
  • Great kisser, great lover, extremely affectionate most of the time–A+ for me
  • 6’0″ 225lbs–mostly in shape, but could use to lose about 20lbs
  • Suffering from Bipolar Disorder 1 (mild)–you’ll never get bored with me, ever.
  • Mild form of Borderline Personality Disorder–not so much anymore, but I definitely will piss you off sometimes.  Doesn’t mean I don’t love you though!

Personality:

  • Sometimes a bit too judgmental–of other people mostly, you too if you’re a bitch.
  • Great sense of humor–my sarcasm will entertain you, but it might aggravate you after awhile.
  • I can be impatient–working on being a lot more patient, but I’m mostly patient, I think mostly, yeah.
  • Very clean–I pick up after myself, though I don’t have much to pick up anymore.
  • Very good with computers and social media–your work is free.
  • Sometimes get irritable and short tempered–you don’t need perfection do you?  Because I failed at perfection years ago, just ask my ex’s.
  • Very communicative–let’s talk and keep everything in the clear, PLEASE!!
  • I can be arrogant and pointed–part of my Bipolar gifts.  Sometimes I need to learn to pause my thoughts for 10 seconds and I’ll be fine, but sometimes I just say things and they come out wrong, not terrible things, just mild observations and stuff.
  • I am intelligent–I have a College Degree in English Education.
  • Sensuous–I am very romantic, loving, giving, adventuresome in bed.  Yes, this aspect of me and my personality are well above par, just ask my exe’s!

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Likes:

  • Nature–I love swimming, hiking, walking, boating, fishing, camping, outdoors!
  • Literature–I love poetry, I read poetry, I write poetry.  And I love reading, blogging.
  • Physical Fitness–just getting back into weight training and running.  I am very good at designing workout and nutrition plans, I used to be very, very fat.
  • Shopping–only TJ Maxx or Marshalls.  When I get a job again I plan on going there.
  • Cooking–I am a very good cook and cook most anything.  But I mostly love to grill.

Dislikes:

  • Traffic–well, since I don’t have a license, this shouldn’t be a problem.
  • Television–I used to watch television, but I am going to abstain now.
  • Slobs–I hate dirty and disorganized behaviors in people.
  • Winter–I won’t be living anywhere it is going to be too cold.
  • Insecure, petty, ignorant, needy, shallow, spiteful, overly sensitive, resentful, paranoid, boring people.

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YOU:

  • Must be comfortable in your own skin–for the most part, some madness is ok
  • Must be sexually expressive–if you are repressed in any way, pass.  (nothing crazy here, not to worry!)
  • Must be in decent shape–sorry, not into BB women.  I’m not Adonis, I don’t need you to be Venus, but you should be taking good care of yourself.  Take pride in being sexy and looking hot for yourself, which means you’re hot for me.
  • Understanding–sometimes I can be an asshole, (and you can be a bitch, it’s ok, just not 24/7.  If you love me you’ll understand.)
  • Patient–loving a guy with all this baggage takes patience.
  • Forgiving–if I mess up, lets’ talk about it and then you must truly forgive (no major violations, I understand)
  • A writer–yup, no more dummies for me.  If you don’t write, don’t bother.
  • Must LOVE NATURE!!  No more women who can’t swim, are afraid of bugs, can’t hike, etc.  I’m old enough to not settle anymore.
  • Whore in bed, Lady in the street, Doc Holliday by my side–pretty self explanatory.

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Summary:

So, as you can see I haven’t a pot to piss in or a pot at this particular time.  However, I am dynamic, loving, caring and giving.  I don’t have a problem admitting when I am wrong.  I am a great communicator.

I am a good listener.  I am up for most anything.  If the fact that I don’t have any of the usual “trappings” in life doesn’t bother you well, then I know you certainly aren’t judgmental!  I am not clingy, needy, possessive, insecure, jealous, and I won’t suffocate you so please don’t suffocate me!

We can be together, but you can also have your own life.  As a matter of fact, I encourage it, because sometimes I just want to be with myself.  I spent 16 years between 3 different women having to be the entertainment center.  You can get those at Best Buy now, I’m out of that business.

Of course, I am not in any position to be seeking a significant other right now.  I just thought it would be interesting to lay out the pure facts of where I am at.  I probably won’t be able to be with someone for a little while.  Most of the time I am ok with that.  But, on days like today, it sure would be nice to cozy up to a love and just coexist.